last night was the season premier of the L Word. if you watched, you already know how crappy it was. if not... well, it was crappy.
basically, the new opening credits are hideous (even more so than the old), and the show was incredibly disjointed as it tried to give new viewers some background and continue with last seasons story lines. the drama in our real lives is much more interesting ;)
JN and MM had a great turnout - there was probably 20 ladies gathered in their living room for the premier.
LOM was there... its the second gathering in a row i havent gotten a "hello". i think i may be invisible. there is no eye contact or verbal acknowledgement of my existence. okay, she did say "your mail is in that bag in the hall," and she nearly looked at my face when i was returning her Sex and the City DVDs. but it was the bare minimum, and i couldnt catch her eyes when i arrived and said hello. conveniently her eyes are always averted. why cant she look me in the eye? what is being avoided?
we seem to be able to talk on AIM just fine. but phone calls and in-person exchanges are awkward, at best. is it that we have nothing in common any more? is it that im actually in a relationship? is it that the relationship is with a guy? is it her or my unresolved feelings of anger, sadness, guilt?
regardless, when i asked LOM what was up at SWs party she insisted it was 100% me. other times ive asked whats going on she has said nothing and that it must be in my head. so there is no sense approaching her about our awkwardness last night. but the silence just makes it more awkward... esp. since we do run into each other frequently, having the same group of friends.
obviously i have no idea what she is thinking, but it feels like she is avoiding something. i have no clue and i dont want to pretend i know.
in any case, i grow more and more uncomfortable around her, which causes me to hold back and make less and less of an effort to talk to her.
so, the distance grows, feelings are unresolved, and i write about it all in a place she can read it and know that its on my mind.
Liz Phair - Never Said
previously:
weather or not - 2006-03-07
My Flight - 2006-03-02
poetree in motion - 2006-02-28
ultimate personality test - 2006-02-25
limerick e-trip - 2006-02-22