so LOM invited me to hang out w/ her, SC and aida last night. (sorry aida, dont know your last name so cant give you anonymous initials).
i show up, LOM kindly buys me a drink. and i introduce myself to aida, who i assume knows who i am. i mean, why wouldnt she?
she and LOM started talking a few months ago, while we were still living together and spending most of our free time together. surely LOM mentioned me - her bestest friend ever.
turns out... LOM never mentioned me at all. in fact, i dont even exist. and apparently she knows LOM far better than i do (so she thinks).
these things are proven in a couple incidences in the evening.
1. LOM says something to aida and ever-so conspicuously aida steps in front of me and says "so what brings you to the area?"
my response: "uh? which area?"
what the fuck is this girl talking about? doesnt she know who i am???
apparently not.... b/c her next question is, "im sorry, i didnt get your name."
im thinking is she fucking kidding me?????????? doesnt she know who i am?????????
"uh, albygocougs" you stupid fucking whore
i wait for the recognition in her face that would indicate "ooOOooH! you're albygocougs! its nice to finally meet you."
it never happens.
she uses some other lame-ass pick up line and i stare blankly at her.
"i need to work on my pick up lines," she says and excuses herself to go talk to some "babes" in the corner.
she is the lesbian equivalent of the proverbial dirtbag 70s giggilo... you know, hawaiian shirt half open, chest hair hanging out, gold chains dangling.
meanwhile, im still thinking um HELLO, im albygocougs! dont you know who i am??????
how could she not know who i am? in fact, with everything going on in our lives, how could anyone not know either one of us without having heard about the other??? regardless of context.
i tell LOM im both surprised and offended aida didnt know who i was. LOM says "it never came up."
HOW THE FUCK DID IT NEVER COME UP???
how can i possibly be edited out of the narrative of LOMs life??? i have been in it 24/7 for nearly 4 fucking years. yet, im edited out.
conveniently, i dont exist.
"oh, i told her my ex was coming tonight," says LOM.
someone... PLEASE kill me. please just fucking kill me. b/c it would less of an insult to be killed in a bloody rage of madness than it is to have my ex-gf of 3 years and my supposidly best friend omit from her life story our entire relationship together as if it never happened and i dont exist.
2. later on we have a table and LOM goes to the bathroom. aida proceeds to talk to me about LOM, as if i dont know LOM. as if i just now, today, met LOM. as if, somehow, in her whole 2 months of knowing LOM she has some idea who LOM is and can give me insight.
i know what you're thinking.
you're thinking, "albygocougs, get over it. just b/c you still consider LOM a major part of your life doesn't mean she should give a shit about you."
fuck you.
fuck you for thinking that.
i completely and totally put some very fundamental needs to the side during my relationship with LOM b/c she didnt understand them and couldnt compromise.
what the fuck am i talking about???
well, when we started dating, i kept trying to explain and insist of having personal time. she didn't get it. didnt understand why i needed personal time, or why i didnt want to be with her 24/7.
in our first year together, starting the day we physically met, we spent a total of 5 days apart. 3 of those were in the first month.
year two, we had another 4 or 5 days apart.
year three, after insisting she go home to her family w/ out me for her mom's birthday, and i go home to seem my family, we have 10 days apart. total.
so, in three years we had only 2.5 weeks apart.
she consumed my life. she was all things to me. (although i did have work, art, writing, and other things to identify with and form my life around).
now, while my frame of reference is still "LOM is my best friend, and we've known each other 4 years and she's still important and plays a major role in my life," i dont exist to her.
i am not part of her story.
all signs of me are gone. and i am no one. nothing. just a faded memory of someone who no longer holds any significance or value.
and here i am... wondering why the hell i have to repeat my name to someone who has been LOMs friend for a couple months, and who clearly thinks she has some clue about who LOM is at all.
CAN YOU HEAR ME FUCKING SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS???
i have never come so close to hating your self-centered, cruel, materialistic, miserable fucking guts as i do at this very moment. i seeth with anger and hatred and for the life of me cant figure out where the woman i knew went. because you are so fake.
either you are not being true to yourself right now, or you were a complete lie for the 4 years ive known you.
either way, you have betrayed me.
go ahead and write me out of your life. while the pen is still in your hand, write me a check for the house i gave you.
mary prankster: mercy fuck
previously:
weather or not - 2006-03-07
My Flight - 2006-03-02
poetree in motion - 2006-02-28
ultimate personality test - 2006-02-25
limerick e-trip - 2006-02-22