dilly dilly

in which amy admits her fragility
2004-10-23 10:21 am

omg, i think i just got in trouble w/ one of my new roommates for the first time.

its nearly 10:30am, so i thought it would be okay to start drilling holes for the curtain rod im installing. ive been waiting two weeks to do it, and finally borrowed LOMs drill.

so, im on the stool and my roommate emerges from her room.... "Are you going to be doing that for a while?"

me: "um... I'm sorry, I can stop."

roommate: "I'm just trying to work and I wasn't sure if you're just going to be a couple more minutes or if its going to go on for a while."

me: "Oh, yep, no problem. I can stop." oh god, please stop talking and let me run away now

roommate: "Because I'm going to be leaving in half an hour."

me: "Mhm, okay, I'll stop. No problem, I can totally do it later."

she returns to her room and i embarassedly return to mine, leaving everything sitting on the stool in haste.

i hate getting in trouble. for one thing, i hate messing up or doing something that upsets or bothers another person. i value other people's boundaries and space and my own near perfection [yes, in case you missed it, im perfect, hehe].

for another thing, ive never done well with being confronted about messing up or bothering someone. although there are ways in which a person can confront me that are less frightening than others. having a stern or deep voice, just as part of ones natural voiceness, is not one of these. high pitched, googly, babytalk is definately prefered.

if my error is something im sure is completely right and good, when confronted i tend to get the proverbial "dear in headlights" look. its the "oh shit, i didnt see this coming" face we all recognize from the poor animal who in the midst of crossing the street - which used to be wooded area - searching for food or mommy or lovin', sees bright lights up ahead and in a complete and total panic... freezes.

now, if i was already questioning whatever it is i did or am doing, my response is likely to be either:

completely devoid of emotion... due to my brain acting somewhat like a computer searching all possible alphanumeric combinations for the right 15 character password which will prove my innocence by explaining my thinking or allow me to admit my stupidity with minimal disruption to my ego;

or i may actually become slightly aggitated or defensive and glare at my accuser in irritation, hoping to frighten them into rethinking their strategy, thereby causing them to believe i am not a yummy morsel but instead a deadly poisonous animal who has brilliantly caught them for dinner.

of course, both of these responses are in an attempt to keep from bursting into tears.

hey, im a fragile little cancerian crab - dont let the rock hard exterior fool you... the inside is full of mushy goodness.

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previously:
weather or not - 2006-03-07
My Flight - 2006-03-02
poetree in motion - 2006-02-28
ultimate personality test - 2006-02-25
limerick e-trip - 2006-02-22