POP QUIZ
2004-08-15 11:06 pm PST

What is more excrutiating?

  1. Cutting off your own limb while pinned to the ground by a bear trap in the antarctic, and being just out of reach of your chapstick which giggling penguins are using for a hockey puck as a walrus chooses you as its next mate

  2. Spending a week locked up in an 90 degree trailer with a swarm of mosquitos, thus having to sleep fully clothed in socks, jeans and long sleeve sweatshirt and with a blanket, "just in case"

    3. or

  3. Attending a family gathering where you are forced to spend several hours with an ignorant, creepy, lying, loser, sexist pig who:

    • as your biological father, abandoned you a dozen or more times over the first 21 years of your life because of various versions of the statement "i dont want to pay child support"

    • after suggesting you drop out of college because he had another kid on the way and needed the money, stopped talking to you because you decided to finish college and be the first in your family to get a 4 year degree

    • never once apologized for abandoning you but just popped in and out of your life whenever he felt like playing "dad"

    • you finally told "no more... this is the last time you are choosing not to be part of my life. now we play by my rules and you dont get to come back and play "dad" when you feel like it. we're done." and havent spoken with in 8 years

    • caused you all kinds of other emotional/mental trauma and humiliation during your most impressionable and formative years

      • and at this family gathering

    • repeatedly tells his latest kid to hug and kiss you even though you dont know each other and it clearly makes her and you uncomfortable

    • while posing for family pictures, insists on shouting "money" instead of "cheese", when money is the whole reason he repeatedly abandoned you and gave up parental rights to one of his other kids

    • sneaks in behind you and places his kid's hand on your shoulder to make it appear that you have some sort of relationship

    • tells his kid to tell you that if you wanted to take his new car for a drive he'd let you, if you would ask him

    • apparently tells his 6 year old daughter enough blonde jokes that she actually asks her grandparents "does that mean that im not smart?" when they discuss how blonde her hair is

* * *

7 8

previously:
weather or not - 2006-03-07
My Flight - 2006-03-02
poetree in motion - 2006-02-28
ultimate personality test - 2006-02-25
limerick e-trip - 2006-02-22


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