back to the question(s) at hand...
why am i thinking of men while dating a woman, or vice-versa. is it about being unfulfilled being with one instead of both sexes? what does it mean to me to be fulfilled, sexually speaking? can a biphobic bisexual woman be fulfilled when dating only one person, of only one sex?
sexual fulfillment for me begins with a sense of comfort with my own body and the body i might be interacting with. if im not comfortable with me, im not going to have a good time b/c im going to be thinking about whether they can see my pimple or my fat or whatever. at this juncture, i believe i am quite comfortable with other people's bodies. it feels like once i reached a certain age or maturity i lost all sense of shame. im pretty comfortable with nudity and various body parts. its nearly "matter of fact" like.
next, it seems that the more expectations i have, the greater the potential for dissatisfaction or unfulfillment. thus i make an effort to limit my expectations. this doesnt mean that i have low standards - to the contrary, i have very high standards. having expectations means expecting a certain performance, outcome, feeling, scenario or activity. we all know how dissappointing it is when the real thing is nothing like the detailed fantasy we had mapped out in our mind.
then we get to physical attraction. i am attracted to both sexes. there are things i like about the bodies and minds that are often unique to each sex. i wont get to detailed here but will say, I like the smell and curves of a woman and a man's strong arms wrapped around me. that's as far as i go in this venue ;)
something important i have only recently discovered is meaningful spiritual connection. i think this may be a crucial component for me in a relationship. in this sense it may be the only thing that allows a transcendance of that gender/sex boundary or distinction between fe/male. wow... i feel an epiphany coming on... since we are all spirit in human form, if i can connect with someone spiritually it may transcend those physical boundaries and result in true sexual/relationshipish fulfillment.
to be continued...
previously:
weather or not - 2006-03-07
My Flight - 2006-03-02
poetree in motion - 2006-02-28
ultimate personality test - 2006-02-25
limerick e-trip - 2006-02-22